One Step Forward, One Step Back

     Lately I have been playing a fair amount of Pokemon GO (or trying to play; with all of the bugs and server issues it's nigh impossible to play the game as it was intended).  When the game is working correctly, it gives me a reason to get out of the house and helps alleviate my anxiety by giving me something to focus on.  I've mostly been sticking to my neighborhood and campus for my hunts, but since Pokemon vary based on location, I've been trying to visit some other places as well.
     On Monday I wanted to check out downtown Orono, so Brian suggested going to Pat's Pizza for dinner.  I love Pat's, so I agreed, despite a nagging anxiety.  Sit down restaurants are a little hard for me sometimes because while I'm waiting for my food, I can't really go anywhere.  I feel trapped, and any time I feel trapped, that fans the flames of my anxiety.  By the time we got down to Pat's, I didn't think I could make it through the meal.
     As we were heading inside, we noticed that the clouds above had turned a dark, dark gray, like it was about to start pouring at any moment.  We walked in and sat down at a bench.  We were told that a server would be with us shortly, unless we wanted to order our food to go.  Brian and I agreed that take out would be the best option, making some excuse about the weather, but really it was because of my anxiety.
     Not long after we had placed out order, the storm began in earnest.  Water poured down from the sky as thunder sounded in the distance, accompanied by an occasional flicker of lightning.  As soon as the storm started, I became so intent on photographing it with my new phone's camera that I forgot to be anxious.  The time it took to get our pizza passed quickly enough and soon we were back at home enjoying our dinner.  The trip was a partial success.  I may not have made it through a sit down restaurant dinner, but I did manage to make it through the wait to get our food.

The sky before the storm.

Selfie at Pat's.

The rain coming down.

A Car Trip

     You may have noticed that I haven't written in a while.  That's because I haven't been up to much.  It turned out that I was right to be worried that something was wrong with me.  I had a minor infection which hopefully I've almost shaken.  I was feeling pretty miserable for a few days and spent a lot of time during the week of the 27th on Netflix, binge watching Scream: The TV Series and Murder, She Wrote.  That weekend I was feeling a bit better and was able to work on revising my novel, made some silly 4th of July hats, and managed to go on several longer walks.
     The Fourth of July went well.  I was actually feeling pretty good and my anxiety levels were relatively low for the drive down.  It was fun seeing many of my family members all together, including both of my siblings.  We had a cookout, went on a walk to the old rickety bridge, and just hung around and talked for hours.

Brian and me with the whimsical 4th hats I made.

     On Wednesday my little brother moved into his own apartment.  He and his girlfriend have the most adorable little kitten, Beans.  I saw this photo montage of animals with their toys when they were little and when they were all grown up and I thought it would be cute to get him a stuffed animal.  On Friday, Brian had to go check up on his mom's cats and I wanted to tag along with him to stop in at a store to get a toy for Beans.  However, I think my medicine wasn't agreeing so well with me because my stomach did not feel well.
     I'm trying to commit myself fully to a trip before going, so if I don't think I'll be up for it, I just stay home.  After giving it some thought, I told Brian that I was going to stay home.  However, he ended up playing a video game for an hour, and by the time he was ready to go, I changed my mind.  I realized that if I'm ever going to want to travel more than a few miles, such as to Portland, then I'm going to have to get used to riding around when I'm not feeling completely comfortable.  It seemed unlikely that I would get sick in the car and so I went with him.
     The trip down was a bit rocky at times, but when I was feeling off I talked to Brian about his story and sang along to the radio to keep my mind occupied.  The most important part of the trip was feeding the cats because they're not able to feed themselves.  I kept telling myself that if I was feeling miserable by the time we got down there, then it would take two minutes to feed the cats and then we could be on our way.  By the time we got done tending to the cats, I was feeling pretty okay.  We visited with Brian's grandma for a few and then headed over to pick out a stuffed animal.
     Sometimes it just takes time to work through things.  I'm glad Brian ended up waiting an hour and that I toughed it out.  It's a balancing act, deciding whether the benefits are worth the effort and energy drain.  I think it worked out all right this time, but that's not always the case.

Beans with his new friend.