Today I took, what I hope, is a major step forward. I went to the campus counseling center. It's something I've thought about many times before, but I could never bring myself to do it. Yesterday proved to be the tipping point.
Yesterday I received an email from my department containing my schedule for the upcoming semester. I had known that I would probably be teaching in person sections (although I had been hoping for a grading appointment), but seeing the four separate sections written out on paper hit me hard. Those were four times when I would have to be on campus, no matter what. As my anxiety weighed on me, I told myself I was going to make an appointment at the counseling center the following day.
Today I looked at the counseling center's hours and decided to go in around 1. It took me some time to steel myself, but I did. Brian drove me and accompanied me inside. We headed to the front desk and I told the woman that I wanted to make an appointment. She asked if I was taking summer classes and I said I wasn't. She informed me that they generally are only able to see students who are taking summer classes. That was when the water works began. One second I was okay and then out of nowhere I was in tears. I really hate how they can spring up out of nowhere and there's nothing I can do to stop them, but maybe this time it was a good thing. I guess that made my case seem urgent because I was able to talk to a counselor.
After filling out a ton of paperwork, I talked to a very nice woman who discussed my situation with me and helped me plan what to do next. Right now I'm feeling pretty good, like I'm being proactive, like actually have some control over my situation, like maybe I'll be able to make it through this semester after all. It's a good feeling.
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