It seems like these days every time I get into the car, I second guess myself. I start to wonder whether I really need to go to this place or that, whether it's really worth feeling a little unwell to accomplish whatever it is I have to get done. I wish I could get to a place again where I could take a trip without thinking about it. Like, it's good that I'm getting out of the house and I'm glad that my anxiety level has been pretty low this week, but I wish I could get into the car and go places without thinking twice about it.
Anyway, Brian and I went down to Dollar Tree and spent some time browsing. I got what I needed and then he and I went through the Burger King drive thru. The drive thru can sometimes up my anxiety levels because I'm kind of stuck, waiting for my food, not being able to see what's going on, but our food came pretty quickly, so I didn't get that anxious.
Brian and I decided that since it was such a nice day, we might as well bring our food to Webster instead of eating inside. We had a picnic and then strolled along the riverbank. There are these two big rocks in the river right by the shore. Brian and I sat out on them for a while, taking in the breeze and watching a nearby school of fish swim about. It was nice.
Me with my BK Veggie Burger.
Rock selfie.
School of fish.
Last night I worked on my latest craft, a stone angel for my Halloween cemetery. I didn't have all of the supplies I needed, so Brian took me to Joann this morning to get some spray paint. The ride was a little rocky for me at first, but I managed. I'm really glad I have this blog because I think it gives me more of an incentive to push through small bouts of anxiety. I haven't had a full on panic attack at all during the time I've had this blog, so who knows whether it's really that helpful. I suppose only time will tell.
At any rate, I got my spray paint and finished my angel. It didn't work out perfectly, but I think she looks much better post makeover. If you're wondering how I made it, you'll have to wait and see it on my craft blog in September :).
Doll and doll dress from Dollar Tree.
My stone angel. She'll look perfect in my Halloween cemetery :).
I also feel kind of bad writing this blog as I am because nothing has gone seriously wrong. I don't want it to, of course, but I feel kind of like I'm bragging, which I don't mean to be. Like oh hey, I have anxiety, but really, it's not so bad; look at all of the things I'm doing. But I'm not pushing myself that much. I've gotten into a routine of leaving the house to go to the park or to go to Bangor, but there is so much that is outside my comfort level that I'm ignoring because I don't have to do it. The thought of traveling as far south as Portland is enough to raise my heart rate and forget about out of state trips. When I heard my sis-in-law was getting engaged, I was happy for her, but the thought that the wedding will probably be outside of Maine and that I'll be wanted and expected there scares the wits out of me. So I'm doing little things, and these little things are exhausting at times, but it's really the big things I'm avoiding that are what would send me into a tailspin. I'm hoping that all of these little "victories" will help prepare me for the bigger things, but who knows.
So yes, I am pleased with myself for having these successes, and I want to show them off to be like "see, I did a thing and it was maybe a little hard at times, but I got through it." I guess that's kind of bragging, although I don't mean it to be. I might be more concerned if I expected people to read this, but so far I'm my entire audience.
Anyway, have a good night!
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